I think it is safe to say that everyone has experience some form of shyness in their lifetime. After all, we weren’t always big and brave were we? The point I am trying to make is that regardless of how shy and timid you are now, there are certain things that you can do to boost your self esteem and in essence overcome shyness. The strategies presented in this article will help you look confident, feel confident, and overcome shyness. Apply just one and you’ll see wonderful results, use all 6 and your self confidence will shoot through the roof.
Key #1: Act Confident Until You Become Confident
This may be difficult at first but as you get the hang of it, things will become a lot easier. When you act like a confident person, you start to feel confident. In just 10 seconds, a shy person can be transformed by adjusting three of their behaviors: posture, eye-contact, and their smile.
Sit down at the mall sometime and observe people walking around. Some will have great posture and others slouch. People immediately notice your posture. If you have great posture, you will look confident. You will look competent. You will appear successful. Best of all you will feel more confident.
Posture when walking
Try to visualize three hooks attached to your head. Walk as if you are hanging by your head. Your head will be held high and keep your back straight.
Another way to get good posture is to back up against the wall with your head, shoulders, buttocks and heels touching. You can leave space for your hand behind your back. This is great posture. Now walk away as you maintain this upright position.
Posture when sitting
Use the same principles. Sit up straight. Don’t slouch. Keep your head up. Of course if you are watching TV at home, feel free to relax as you let the Time Vacuum suck the time out of your life.
A 10 second adjustment in posture has some amazing benefits:
- • You feel confident
- • You look confident
- • You gain other people’s respect
The eyes are the windows to the soul. They can convey confidence, dishonesty, concern, hate, despair, shyness, etc.
Look people in the eye when greeting & talking to them. Try to note their eye-color; a very simple technique, yet very powerful.
Gently move your eyes around the eyebrows, eyes, and bridge of the nose as you listen and talk. This will prevent you from having a glass-eyed look and make you to look confident.
Key #2: Role-Model
This key is one of my favorites because it is so powerful. Just using this key has transformed many people’s lives. Here is how it works:
Step #1: Think of a confident person who is great at conversation. It could be a friend, celebrity, etc. Who did you choose? Let’s say the name is Rory. Whenever you are around people use step #2 and apply this next question:
Step #2: Mentally Ask, “How would Rory think, feel, and act in this situation?”
You already know that he would:
- • Confidently walk up to people.
- • Laugh and have a good time
- • Ignore shy feelings
- • Talk and converse with people
Step #3: Role-model this person
I pretended I was Rory and started acting just like him. Boldly, I approached people and started conversations. A smile covered my face and I enjoyed myself. As I role-modeled him, I felt new confidence and power.
Don’t mimic them exactly. Keep your personality and your uniqueness, but mimic their confidence and specific actions.
Key #4: Step Out of Your Comfort Zone
You and I have a comfort zone. A circle of activities in which we feel comfortable doing. When we start to do something outside of our comfort zone, a warning light inside us starts to flash. We feel nervous and a little bit of fear sneaks in.
We naturally like to stay inside our comfort zone and only do activities which feel comfortable. Stay inside this comfort zone and you’ll miss out on many opportunities in life!
Step outside your comfort zone and have multiple successes.
If you are uncomfortable talking to 3 people now, talk to three or more people several times. Your comfort zone will inch bigger. Each success brings more confidence.
What if I fail and stumble? Pick yourself up and try again. Successful people stand on a mountain of failures. Failure means you are trying. You will succeed. Don’t let a few stumbles derail your dreams.
Pass up opportunities due to discomfort and you’ll be sitting under a pile of regrets at the end of your life.
Key #5: Use Conversation Tactics
Most people do not have natural conversation skills. We have to learn them. Great conversation is as simple as applying these four tactics.
- 1. Acting confident with a smile, eye-contact, and good posture
- 2. Asking questions
- 3. Listening
- 4. Sharing
Do these and you will quickly be good at conversation.
Key #6: Realize There is No Failure, Only Feedback
Most people are afraid of failure. They are scared of saying the wrong thing or making a bad impression. The fear stops them from starting conversations and talking with people.
How do we overcome our fear of failure? Realize that failure is feedback. If I make a joke and no one laughs, it’s not a failure. It is feedback that joke is a dud or I mismatched the joke to the audience. Failure is normal, but don’t see it as failure. See it as feedback to learn and grow. Remember, if you don’t try something you know you should, you will automatically fail.